I’ll keep you safe is permanently etched in my arm simply because that was a promise that I made to someone so very special to me. Ironically, I failed miserably at that.

Friendships that turn to family are suppose to withstand any storm. But sometimes the storm causes to much damage that it leaves everything shattered and no possible way to rebuild. That was exactly what happened to me and a dear friend of mine. I am sure most of you could relate to a similar scenario. I wanted to share somethings I learned through that journey with you.

One- Rebuilding takes effort on everyone’s part. Storms can destroy, cause chaos and wreak havoc. It takes effort to clean up afterwards. Both people need to be willing to do the work. What I learned from that loss was simply that the foundation that I thought was deep and solid weren’t. Storms create havoc on the surface but if the foundation is strong and deep then anything can be rebuilt. Invest in the foundations of your friendships. Evaluate those foundations regularly.

Two- Saying good bye is hard but sometimes necessary to grow. I had to be willing to not only say good bye but had to put it back in the other person’s court to pursue a relationship further. I had to be okay if they choose not to. Which she did decide not to pursue a friendship further. I believe that good bye was necessary for both of us to grow. I had to learn life without her and she had to learn life past me. Sometimes we overstay our relationships with people. We have people in our lives that literally become life suckers, people that become dead weight, people that tend to be toxic, and people that keep you from growing . We need to realize when we have overstayed our relationships because that is when we stopped growing. Sometimes people are brought in our lives to get us through tough seasons and others are brought in to walk life out with you not just the good but the bad and the ugly. Others are just to bring joy and fun. Identify the types of relationships you have in your life. It is okay to have people that you are constantly giving out to but make sure you have people that take time to fill you up. That has been my downfall in the friend department my whole life. Don’t make that mistake because when storms hit those foundations aren’t deep, because you are no more use for those kind of people.

Lastly- Just because a friendship ends doesn’t mean that it is a bad memory. I often find myself thinking about this friend hoping she is doing well. Remembering the ridiculous adventures we shared and the endless conversations that happened between us. I am very glad to have met her and to have a permanent mark on me that reminds me of her. Now, I know she may feel different about me because of my choices that hurt her. I also hope that all the good outweighs the bad. Not all friendships lost are a waste of time. Some are just better memories.

I’ll keep you safe….

We all have had moments where we have disappointed people. Also have had moments when people have disappointed us. These moments boil down to expectations. Expectations we place on people, relationships and circumstances.

Some spoken and some unspoken, both being the silent killers of relationships and a huge source of stress. I am sure there is one specific relationship that you can immediately recall being disappointed in the other person. The majority of the time it’s because we’ve set some unrealistic expectations on the other person or situation or even on ourselves.

We have to learn to let go of expectations sometimes. It is honestly the most freeing way to live. You get hurt a whole lot less by people because you aren’t set up for them to respond a certain way and then act surprised when they disappoint you. Some strained relationships or situations are strained because of expectations. Take sometime today to re-evaluate these expectations in these situations or relationships and make the necessary changes to expectations.

I have lived my whole life being ruled by the voices of others. The people pleaser side of me always winning despite the things I sacrificed within myself. I did and did not do things because of this fear of disappointing someone. I would spin my wheels being this person that would literally sell my whole entire being to please someone else.

One day I woke up and realized that I was unhappy. I was in an unhealthy place within myself. I did not recognize the girl staring back at me in the mirror. I was literally voiceless. My whole life was on auto pilot. Just hovering over the day. Staying in the lines and in the boxes of other people’s expectations. That became the day that I decided enough was enough.

It started out small but I began using my voice. Still very timid and unsure but the more I spoke up and started living for the person God has me to be, the stronger I have become. My life is God’s. His love is all that I need. I have chosen to have my own genuine relationship with the Lord. He has been so faithful to extend an undeserving grace. Still filling me with undeniable fire to be who he has called me to be. Honestly, it is all about declaring truth. Truth in relationships and circumstances.

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. – Luke 16:10

I have read this verse a million times and just realized this simple thing. God has trusted you with your own heart to nourish and take care of. Only He can fill the voids. We spend so much time getting wrapped up in outside circumstances that “should” bring us validation just to be disappointed.

God gave me my heart to nourish. He gave me my life to be a good steward of. Allowing yourself to get to a place where you lose your voice is not nourishing or being a good steward of what has been given. You may disappoint people in the process of finding your voice. That is okay. With each disappointment is an opportunity to grow and learn. Pray that the Lord directs you in this.

Find your voice. Be who God created YOU to be, not what other people deem you as worthy enough to be.

Yes, I have been on a little hiatus for the past few months. Holidays hit and let’s be real I took time to be present with my kiddos. Making the most out of all the magical holiday memories. Then rolled in 2020. It has been a whirlwind of getting engaged, to planning a small intimate wedding, to taking huge leaps in co-parenting with my ex-husband, to COVID-19 (which is enough to say), to suddenly teaching, working from home and being momma. While staying contained and isolated to be healthy. Then roll in a a huge life change, I got married!! Now, we are busy blending our families and learning a new dance in a few new roles.

Needless to say it’s been way too crazy to be consistent in blogging. Sometimes you just have to take on what is priority and not put pressure on yourself for the extra things if they aren’t necessary. I am BACK and while I have been away, I have spent some time on and off creating new content for my blog. I am so excited for this season. As I will let you into some really personal pieces of my life.. You are probably like wait haven’t you already done that? YES, I have but there is so much more that God has done and has been doing recently that has to be shared. The first season of blogging was really birthed out of unburying some deep rooted hurts and finding myself through a life altering storm. This season will be more context as to where some of those hurts were birthed out of and lessons that have been learned through the healing process. Splashing in some more recent lessons I have learned with co-parenting, love and marriage and finding my own voice. I am excited for where this blogging season will take us.

I have missed you and I am so glad to be back!